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Monday, July 21, 2014

then vs now

(image: fanpop.com)


The arrival of our fourth occurred last month! In the first couple of weeks, I couldn't help but compare welcoming my first 9 years ago with welcoming our 4th most recently. And none of these has to so with them, but more with myself.

At times I wonder if I'm being the mom I want to be. Am I there for my kids emotionally? Am I teaching the necessary values and virtues? Do I show loyalty to my husband, their father, so that they know the meaning of obedience? Do I keep up with the house, providing a pleasant environment for them to call home? All of these things require a self-mastery I didn't easily recognize in myself at the outset.

Nine years ago, I had one child, and yet I had all of the challenges of experiencing motherhood for the first time; the complete sacrifice of my time, my sleep, and even my meals until a later time. In the past 9 months, people have looked at me funny but also with respect that I was soon to have my fourth. They said they could never do that. I can understand them. I remember that time of initiation into motherhood and how hard it was for me, too, simply because of a lack of experience of giving up many of my own ways and plans, something we all go through. But what I recently came to realize with the arrival of our fourth is how after all of these years, I don't mind as much  all of those little sacrifices. It does indeed get easier in some respects.

The fact that I do all of the same things this time around as I have done with each and every baby I've been so very fortunate to have, but with the ease and peace that comes with experience shows that I have made some  progress toward being the kind of mother I want to be. It isn't as hard for me in many ways which means it's become more of a habit to perform all of these little tasks of love.

None of us will be perfect except in heaven. All we can do is try to give of ourselves the best we know how. It is funny how being open to life's experiences, which for me has meant having four children, helps you on toward your goal, naturally. But that must have be God's plan all along. 

1 comment:

  1. Katie, congrats and these are very reassuring words, words I relate to to an extent but only 6 years in and expecting #3 I'm glad to hear you've seen it continue - I have a LOT of room to keep on growin! :)

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